Desdemona Wren’s Top 10 Books of 2019 (Let’s face it, 99% of these are gay)

Most of the books I read are either about queer life or by queer authors. So if they do include a romance, which I do generally like to see in stories because I love romantic subplots, the romance is usually queer or they’ve got a queer side romance.

From this list you’ll learn that I’m obsessed with coming of age stories and I read probably way too much YA, but since YA and NA are the genres I usually write for, that makes a lot of sense.

Below my ratings include both stars and rainbows. The stars are my general overall rating of the book (these will all be 5+ stars) and the rainbows are the overall queerness rating (rainbow ratings with a 3 and below only contain queer side romances and not a main romance ALSO rainbow ratings that include a purple heart have canon bisexual characters).

I also include one of my favorite quotes from the book and in lieu of a review, I’m just going to speak briefly about what each book meant to me. That way this blog doesn’t get too long. And if I’m being honest most of these books I never even reviewed because I’m about 40 book reviews behind.

So, without further ado, here is my top 10 reads of 2019 (they’re not all from 2019, I know, but shh).

10. This Time Will be Different by Mia Sugiura

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People talk about starting over after they’ve made a big mistake or a bad choice in life. But you can never really start over. You can’t fully reset. And I don’t think you should. There’s no point in dwelling on the past, but you can acknowledge it and try to make things better. Or try a new way, and know that this time will be different.

Description: Katsuyamas never quit—but seventeen-year-old CJ doesn’t even know where to start. She’s never lived up to her mom’s type A ambition, and she’s perfectly happy just helping her aunt, Hannah, at their family’s flower shop.

She doesn’t buy into Hannah’s romantic ideas about flowers and their hidden meanings, but when it comes to arranging the perfect bouquet, CJ discovers a knack she never knew she had. A skill she might even be proud of.

Then her mom decides to sell the shop—to the family who swindled CJ’s grandparents when thousands of Japanese Americans were sent to internment camps during WWII. Soon a rift threatens to splinter CJ’s family, friends, and their entire Northern California community; and for the first time, CJ has found something she wants to fight for.

Get your copy here, on Amazon.

What this book meant to me: The reason this book made it onto my list despite only have a queer side character is because the main character, CJ, struggles so much emotionally throughout the book and all of her mistakes and anger really made me identify with her. Also it’s set in San Jose and I’m a sucker for anything set in California.

9. Sadie by Courtney Summers

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“I can’t take another dead girl.”

Description: A missing girl on a journey of revenge. A Serial―like podcast following the clues she’s left behind. And an ending you won’t be able to stop talking about.

Sadie hasn’t had an easy life. Growing up on her own, she’s been raising her sister Mattie in an isolated small town, trying her best to provide a normal life and keep their heads above water.

But when Mattie is found dead, Sadie’s entire world crumbles. After a somewhat botched police investigation, Sadie is determined to bring her sister’s killer to justice and hits the road following a few meager clues to find him.

When West McCray―a radio personality working on a segment about small, forgotten towns in America―overhears Sadie’s story at a local gas station, he becomes obsessed with finding the missing girl. He starts his own podcast as he tracks Sadie’s journey, trying to figure out what happened, hoping to find her before it’s too late.

Courtney Summers has written the breakout book of her career. Sadie is propulsive and harrowing and will keep you riveted until the last page.

Get your copy here, on Amazon.

What this book meant to me: While there is bisexual representation in this book, the point of Sadie is not romance. The entire point of this book is that it’s literally just from start to finish incredible. It’s told from two differing points of view, one being a podcast, the other being the story Sadie herself tells. This resonated with me because I was a victim of childhood abuse and also sexual trauma. I spent most of this book openly weeping and every time they kept saying “I can’t take another dead girl” I got so scared and the ending literally just ripped my whole heart out.

8. With the Fire on High by Elizabeth Acevedo

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🌈🌈

“And so at the age of four, I learned someone could cry from a happy memory.”

Description: With her daughter to care for and her abuela to help support, high school senior Emoni Santiago has to make the tough decisions, and do what must be done. The one place she can let her responsibilities go is in the kitchen, where she adds a little something magical to everything she cooks, turning her food into straight-up goodness. Still, she knows she doesn’t have enough time for her school’s new culinary arts class, doesn’t have the money for the class’s trip to Spain — and shouldn’t still be dreaming of someday working in a real kitchen. But even with all the rules she has for her life — and all the rules everyone expects her to play by — once Emoni starts cooking, her only real choice is to let her talent break free.

Get your copy here, on Amazon.

What this book meant to me: The reason I picked this up was in part, because of the gorgeous cover and also because it is so hard to find books with Black Puerto Rican rep. This story was so beautifully written and Emoni’s passion for cooking and for her daughter was so incredible to me. I just…I wanted a mom who would love me that much.

7. Like a Love Story by Abdi Nazemian

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“The most important four-letter word in our history will always be LOVE. That’s what we are fighting for. That’s who we are. Love is our legacy.”

Description: It’s 1989 in New York City, and for three teens, the world is changing.

Reza is an Iranian boy who has just moved to the city with his mother to live with his stepfather and stepbrother. He’s terrified that someone will guess the truth he can barely acknowledge about himself. Reza knows he’s gay, but all he knows of gay life are the media’s images of men dying of AIDS.

Judy is an aspiring fashion designer who worships her uncle Stephen, a gay man with AIDS who devotes his time to activism as a member of ACT UP. Judy has never imagined finding romance…until she falls for Reza and they start dating.

Art is Judy’s best friend, their school’s only out and proud teen. He’ll never be who his conservative parents want him to be, so he rebels by documenting the AIDS crisis through his photographs.

As Reza and Art grow closer, Reza struggles to find a way out of his deception that won’t break Judy’s heart–and destroy the most meaningful friendship he’s ever known.

Get your copy here, on Amazon.

What this book meant to me: How do I even begin to explain how much this book means to queer culture in America? I wept so openly while reading this book. There was so much about the AIDs crisis and the fear the queer community experienced during that time. Honestly this book was just heart-wrenching and so unbelievably important.

6. Reverie by Ryan La Sala

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“Just because something is imagined doesn’t mean it isn’t dangerous.”

“It’s just gay enough to work.”

Description: Inception meets The Magicians in the most imaginative YA debut of the year!

All Kane Montgomery knows for certain is that the police found him half-dead in the river. He can’t remember how he got there, what happened after, and why his life seems so different now. And it’s not just Kane who’s different, the world feels off, reality itself seems different.

As Kane pieces together clues, three almost-strangers claim to be his friends and the only people who can truly tell him what’s going on. But as he and the others are dragged into unimaginable worlds that materialize out of nowhere—the gym warps into a subterranean temple, a historical home nearby blooms into a Victorian romance rife with scandal and sorcery—Kane realizes that nothing in his life is an accident. And when a sinister force threatens to alter reality for good, they will have to do everything they can to stop it before it unravels everything they know.

This wildly imaginative debut explores what happens when the secret worlds that people hide within themselves come to light.

Get your copy here, on Amazon

What this book meant to me: Ryan La Sala basically owns my soul now. Everything about this book was poignant and just full of rich description. Honestly, this has got to be one of my favorite books I’ve ever read in my life. Which is why it’s on my list of top 10 from 2019. Hell, if I had to pick my top 10 of the decade, I’m pretty sure Reverie would make the cut. It is so rare I come across so richly woven queer-centric stories. I recommend this to everyone who loves good writing and questionable villains.

5. Leah on the Offbeat by Becky Albertalli

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“I can’t help it. I’m a Slytherin.”

And I’m the worst kind of Slytherin. I’m the kind who’s so stupidly in love with a Gryffindor, she can’t even function. I’m the Draco from some shitty Drarry fic that the author abandoned after four chapters.”

Description: Leah Burke—girl-band drummer, master of deadpan, and Simon Spier’s best friend from the award-winning Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda—takes center stage in this novel of first love and senior-year angst.

When it comes to drumming, Leah Burke is usually on beat—but real life isn’t always so rhythmic. An anomaly in her friend group, she’s the only child of a young, single mom, and her life is decidedly less privileged. She loves to draw but is too self-conscious to show it. And even though her mom knows she’s bisexual, she hasn’t mustered the courage to tell her friends—not even her openly gay BFF, Simon.

So Leah really doesn’t know what to do when her rock-solid friend group starts to fracture in unexpected ways. With prom and college on the horizon, tensions are running high. It’s hard for Leah to strike the right note while the people she loves are fighting—especially when she realizes she might love one of them more than she ever intended.

Get your copy here, on Amazon.

What this book meant to me: Leah’s experiences are so close to mine as a fat queer growing up in the deep south that this book has a special place in my heart. I love everything Becky Albertalli has ever written, honestly. Her stories are the kind of gay adventures I wish I’d been able to have growing up and Leah is my soulmate.

4. Slay by Brittney Morris

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“Je viens de la putain de toundra”

Description: By day, seventeen-year-old Kiera Johnson is an honors student, a math tutor, and one of the only Black kids at Jefferson Academy. But at home, she joins hundreds of thousands of Black gamers who duel worldwide as Nubian personas in the secret multiplayer online role-playing card game, SLAY. No one knows Kiera is the game developer, not her friends, her family, not even her boyfriend, Malcolm, who believes video games are partially responsible for the “downfall of the Black man.”

But when a teen in Kansas City is murdered over a dispute in the SLAY world, news of the game reaches mainstream media, and SLAY is labeled a racist, exclusionist, violent hub for thugs and criminals. Even worse, an anonymous troll infiltrates the game, threatening to sue Kiera for “anti-white discrimination.”

Driven to save the only world in which she can be herself, Kiera must preserve her secret identity and harness what it means to be unapologetically Black in a world intimidated by Blackness. But can she protect her game without losing herself in the process?

Get your copy here, on Amazon.

What this book meant to me: This book takes place in my hometown of Bellevue, WA and everything about it is incredible. I love the story of how Kiera is portrayed and how her creation of Slay gave people of color a place to be who they are in games. This book was very educational for me and it also spoke to a lot of what growing up in Bellevue is like. This book is so important, funny, and has a great story. I’m so glad I picked this up.

3. The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas

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“The Hate U Give Little Infants Fucks Everybody.”

Description: Sixteen-year-old Starr Carter moves between two worlds: the poor neighborhood where she lives and the fancy suburban prep school she attends. The uneasy balance between these worlds is shattered when Starr witnesses the fatal shooting of her childhood best friend Khalil at the hands of a police officer. Khalil was unarmed.

Soon afterward, his death is a national headline. Some are calling him a thug, maybe even a drug dealer and a gangbanger. Protesters are taking to the streets in Khalil’s name. Some cops and the local drug lord try to intimidate Starr and her family. What everyone wants to know is: what really went down that night? And the only person alive who can answer that is Starr.

But what Starr does—or does not—say could upend her community. It could also endanger her life.

Get your copy here, on Amazon.

What this book meant to me: As soon as I finished reading this book I immediately went home and made my (now ex) boyfriend watch the movie with me. I cried from the very beginning of this book to the very end. It’s not technically a 2019 title, but since I didn’t read it until 2019, I’m putting it on this list. The struggles Starr and her family face throughout this novel completely gutted me and this book is just incredible. The way Angie Thomas tells this story through Starr’s eyes is breathtaking and the writing style stuck with me. It felt less like a book and more like living life through someone else’s eyes.

2. We Set the Dark on Fire by Tehlor Kay Mejia

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“If we’re not all free, none of us are free.”

Description: At the Medio School for Girls, distinguished young women are trained for one of two roles in their polarized society. Depending on her specialization, a graduate will one day run a husband’s household or raise his children, but both are promised a life of comfort and luxury, far from the frequent political uprisings of the lower class. Daniela Vargas is the school’s top student, but her bright future depends upon no one discovering her darkest secret—that her pedigree is a lie. Her parents sacrificed everything to obtain forged identification papers so Dani could rise above her station. Now that her marriage to an important politico’s son is fast approaching, she must keep the truth hidden or be sent back to the fringes of society, where famine and poverty rule supreme.

On her graduation night, Dani seems to be in the clear, despite the surprises that unfold. But nothing prepares her for all the difficult choices she must make, especially when she is asked to spy for a resistance group desperately fighting to bring equality to Medio. Will Dani cling to the privilege her parents fought to win for her, or to give up everything she’s strived for in pursuit of a free Medio—and a chance at a forbidden love?

Get your copy here, on Amazon.

What this book meant to me: This book was basically everything I wanted out of 2019. Women helping women and falling in love. The enemies/rivals to lovers thing that happened between Carmen and NAME really spoke to my soul and Tehlor Kay Mejia blew me out of the water with her storytelling and world-building. This is honestly one of my favorite books I’ve read in a long time. I cannot wait for the sequel to come out next month!

Honorable Mention: All the Things We Do in the Dark by Saundra Mitchell

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“Everybody else gets to leave a mark on me. Why can’t I leave my own?”

Description: There’s no such thing as a secret.

SOMETHING happened to Ava. The curving scar on her face is proof. But Ava would rather keep that something hidden—buried deep in her heart and her soul.

She has her best friend Syd, and she has her tattoos—a colorful quilt, like a security blanket, over her whole body—and now, suddenly, she has Hailey. Beautiful, sweet Hailey, who seems to like Ava as much as she likes her. And Ava isn’t letting anything get in the way of finally, finally seeking peace. But in the woods on the outskirts of town, the traces of someone else’s secrets lie frozen, awaiting Ava’s discovery—and what Ava finds threatens to topple the carefully-constructed wall of normalcy that she’s spent years building. Secrets leave scars. But when the secret in question is not your own—do you ignore the truth and walk away? Or do you uncover it from its shallow grave, and let it reopen old wounds—wounds that have finally begun to heal?

Get your copy here, on Amazon.

What this book meant to me: This book hurt me. The experiences of the main character, Ava, are so similar to my own that I experienced a lot of flashbacks to my life as a child and a victim of pedophilia and sexual assault. I understood her so well and the way these things make you feel and shape you into the person you become. This book resonated with me so much I still think about it even though it’s been almost a whole year since I read it. Remembering Jane still tugs at my heartstrings.

*Also this is a special case. I believe the MC, Ava is canonically bisexual, but I think Mitchell preferred not to “label her” which I think is a cop-out so I didn’t mark the MC as canon bi.

1. Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston

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“History, huh? Bet we could make some.”

And way too many others to name, but there’s a twitter account that tweets quotes from this book and I’m obsessed with it.

Description: What happens when America’s First Son falls in love with the Prince of Wales?

When his mother became President, Alex Claremont-Diaz was promptly cast as the American equivalent of a young royal. Handsome, charismatic, genius—his image is pure millennial-marketing gold for the White House. There’s only one problem: Alex has a beef with the actual prince, Henry, across the pond. And when the tabloids get hold of a photo involving an Alex-Henry altercation, U.S./British relations take a turn for the worse.

Heads of family, state, and other handlers devise a plan for damage control: staging a truce between the two rivals. What at first begins as a fake, Instragramable friendship grows deeper, and more dangerous, than either Alex or Henry could have imagined. Soon Alex finds himself hurtling into a secret romance with a surprisingly unstuffy Henry that could derail the campaign and upend two nations and begs the question: Can love save the world after all? Where do we find the courage, and the power, to be the people we are meant to be? And how can we learn to let our true colors shine through? Casey McQuiston’s Red, White & Royal Blue proves: true love isn’t always diplomatic.

Get your copy here, on Amazon.

What this book meant to me: I know this might be a little cliche to all of you, but this book was so unbelievably important to me that nothing else could’ve been number one. I don’t usually read and enjoy M/M books, but I picked this one up on a whim after seeing it advertised everywhere. And honestly? I’m glad I did. Reading a book about someone figuring out they’re bisexual after years of thinking they were straight and then launching into a wholly forbidden relationship with a prince? Yes, please. I loved everything about this book. I loved the sarcastic writing style, the characters, Henry and Alex’s complete inability to process their feelings because they’re both total idiots, and all the girls being like “Wow you’re all idiots.” 2019 and 2020 is going to be the year of all the queer books and Red, White, & Royal Blue is driving the ship.

MCU Re-watch: Iron Man

I’m re-watching the entirety of the MCU, these are my live tweets.

And so it begins. My rewatch of Iron Man is starting….now. Fair warning, this will probably be a thirst thread because I am thirsty for Tony Stark. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

Okay they’re in the desert. Nice mountains. Some cars are driving. HELL YEAH CLASSIC ROCK IS PLAYING. I haven’t seen this movie in 10 years so this is kind of all new to me again.

The first song of the MCU is Back in Black – AC/DC and I’m like this is PERFECT.


RDJ speaks and I start giggling.

Oh my god he’s a total asshole.

Tony Stark: I don’t wanna see this on your myspace Me: OH MY GOD I’M OLD.

Oh no oh no oh no. Someone save this poor asshole from these explosions! I’m so upset about these poor soldiers that just died. Also why is his phone making that noise.

Stark Industries bomb: WADDAP
Me: *singing Poetic Justice* BE BETTER, TONY. I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT.

Wow Tony built his first circuit board at 4. And then his first engine at 6. They made America a woman? Sure don’t seem that way >>.


WOW OLD RHODEY. I have CHILLS.

Where is Tony? I forgot what happened to him in this scene. Oh right he’s gambling. Of course he is.

WOW HAPPY LOOKS SO DIFFERENT Y’ALL. EVERYONE IS HOT IN THIS MOVIE.

Hello Christine Everhart.

Christine: You’ve been called the DaVinci of our time, what do you say to that?
Tony: Absolutely ridiculous, I don’t paint.
Me: HA
Christine: And what about your other nickname, “The Merchant of Death” Me: oh fuck

Wow Christine and Tony just going at it. Tag yourself I’m JARVIS wakin her up and bein like “Get out. Thanks.”

OH LOOK IT’S CALIFORNIA!

I completely forgot about this part. Why do I keep forgetting things?

Pepper is just like “Hey. Time to leave Christine.”

Christine: After all these years, Tony still has you picking up his dry cleaning
Pepper: I do anything and everything Mr. Stark requires, including occasionally taking out the trash.
Me: OH SHIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTT!!!!!!!


I’m crying about about Pepper and Tony right now. They’re so cute oh my god help? Originally I didn’t care for this relationship, but knowing all I know now I’m like THESE CHILDREN.

Rhodey is so mad. And tbh I would be too. Cause they just straight up replaced him in the second movie lmao.

Even arguing they take the hot towel and I’m like yeah. Yeah hot towels are amazing.

Someone explain to my gay ass why Tony Stark looks so hot here:

Uh….Rhodey????????

Calm down, Tony Stark, you edge-lord.

THIS MOTHERFUCKING SCENE

Why TF is he calling Tony while he’s shirtless? UMMM?? Is this some kind of weird power play or something?

The moment when you see them put the magnet which would eventually become part of the arc reactor into Tony’s chest and you’re like

😱

Tony: *pulling long tube out of his nose* Me: *SCREAMING AND GAGGING* EWWWWWWWAUUGHHH

Tony waking up and finding the arc reactor like “What the fuck???”

For a genius Tony is a fucking moron. You wanna know how that got your guns, Tony? They fucking stole them. Or maybe someone sold them to them. Illegally. Wow did he really think that the US Military were the only people to use his weapons?

Wow he just called Tony the most famous mass murderer in all of history. That’s gotta suck. What an intense wake up call.

And he just refused to build the missile and now they’re torturing him. And now he’s seeing how much of his tech they actually have in this war.

Oh god the moment where Tony realizes they’re going to kill him once he builds the missile and he’s just like “fuck” and I’m like “fuck.”

Tony and Yinsen, hostage bros for life.

Yinsen: That could run your heart for 50 lifetimes
Tony: …*looks sad and contemplative* yeah. Or something big for 15 minutes.
Me: *eating a sandwich and sobbing*

The Ten Rings trying to figure out why the fuck the shit Tony’s making doesn’t look like the picture: Maybe it’s backwards?
Me: Oh y’all.

NO YINSEN. I mean I know he’s not gonna make it, but like I don’t want him to swallow a hot coal.

Me: *swooning*

OH MAN TONY IS JUST LIKE TIME TO BLOW EVERYTHING UP.

YINSEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING!

Tony is comin for all y’all bitches.

Dude just shoots metal like the bullet isn’t gonna ricochet. You fucking moron.

Yinsen: My family is dead. I’m going to see them now, Stark, It’s okay. I want this. I want this.
Me: *SCREAM CRYING*
Tony: Thank you for saving me.
Me: *SOBBING*
Yinsen: Don’t waste it. Don’t waste your life.
Me: HE DIDN’T. HE MADE YOU PROUD. *SOBBING*

Tony: *lights people on fire*
Me: WOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Tony: *flies*
Tony: *crashes*
Me: Iron Man, everybody.


THEY FOUND HIM! RHODEY FOUND HIM!

Rhodey: How was the fun-vee
Tony: laughs
Me: *CRIES*

Did Pepper’s hair become more red with her grief? Or is that just the sunlight?

Me: *swooning x2*

LOOK AT BABY PEPPER WITH THE REDDEST HAIR.

Tony: Hm. Your eyes are red. A few tears for your long-lost boss?
Pepper: Tears of joy. I hate job hunting.
Me: *MAKES AN INHUMAN NOISE* STOP BEING SO CUTE I CAN’T HANDLE IT.

A cheeseburger and a press conference. Only one of those things sound like the Tony Stark I know.

Lol Burger King. I love that they used BK because that’s what changed actual RDJ’s life as well.

LOOK WHO IT IS Y’ALL!!!!!!!!!!

I FINALLY KNOW WHAT SHIELD STANDS FOR:
Strategic
Homeland
Intervention
Enforcement
& Logistics
Division
THAT IS A MOUTHFUL Y’ALL AND COULSON JUST DELIVERS THIS LINE PERFECTLY. THIS MAN IS A GOD.

PEPPER AGREES WITH ME AND I LOVE HER EVEN MORE NOW THANK YOU PEPPER.

SAAAAAME, TONY.

Me: *swooning x3*

This speech is destroying me. Tony Stark oh my god.

I can’t even with this right now y’all. I’m hurt. And I’m proud. And I’m….

Tony: I have more to offer this world than making things blow up. *shuts down weapons manufacturing*
Everyone: *GASPS*
Me: YOU BEAUTIFUL MAN YOU MAKE YINSEN PROUD.

😍

BIG BOY ARC REACTOR

Obi says MANA-FACTURER

YASSS TONY MAKE ARC REACTORS.

Me: *swooning x4* (I have a thing for men button/unbuttoning other men’s shirts alright? Even if it’s platonic. I don’t KNOW)

Pepper bout to have to reach inside Tony’s chest to “change his lightbulb”, so to speak and I am READY for this (and also NOT ready for this).

Me: *swooning? x5* *also cringing and praying for Pepper*

SAME PEPPER OH MY GOD.

Pepper: THERE’S PUSS
Tony: *calmly* It’s not puss it’s an inorganic byproduct of the machine in my chest…
Pepper: IT SMELLS
Tony: yeaaah it does.
Me: *CRINGING*

Tony: Make sure you don’t pull out the magnet at the end of it
Pepper: *pulls out the magnet*
Tony: That was it
Pepper: OH GOD
Me: OH GODDDD

Pepper: What’s wrong?
Tony: Oh nothing I’m just going into cardiac arrest
Me: *SCREAMING*

Pepper: Don’t ever, ever, ever, EVER ask me to do anything like that ever again.
Tony: *smoldering eyes* I don’t have anyone, but you
Me: *HYPERVENTILATING*

Pepper: What do you want to do with this?
Tony: Destroy it. Incinerate it.
Pepper: You don’t want to keep it?
Me: *SOBBING*

Tony: JARVIS, you up?
JARVIS: For you sir? Always.
Me: *sobbing*

Taking a break from thirst tweeting about Tony Stark because I realized I have popcorn and I didn’t make any for this movie. Which is like. Against god or something.

Let’s McFuckin do this

Auuugh his voice is high but he’s got like these deep notes that make me go “YAAAAAAAAS” and swoon.

oh fuk

*SWOONING x6, x7, x,8, x9, x10, & x11*

Are you talking to yourself or your robot, Mr. Stark? Cause like…

👀

YES I LOVE WHEN HE’S TESTING THE SUIT. AHAHHA THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART.

*SCREAM LAUGHING*

My science fiction loving ass is just like WOOOOOOWWWWWWW rn

Tony: This is a flight stabilizer, it’s completely harmless

sAME, PEPPER

Tony: I’m being responsible that’s a new direction for m…I mean the company
Me: Lmao Tony you’re such a fucking disaster


Tony: For lack of a better reason DUM-E is still on fire safety *turns to robot* If you douse me again and I’m not on fire, I’m donating you to a city college
Me: *dying laughing*

LOOK AT HIM FLY

Watching him fly and laugh awkwardly is pretty much everything to me right now. You did it, Tony!

Tony: Yeah. I can fly.
Me: *SWOONS*

JARVIS IN THE HELMETTTTTTTT

*FUCKIN SWOONS x5000*

JARVIS: Sir there are still terabytes of actual calculations needed before a flight is TonY: JARVIS SOMETIMES YOU GOT TO RUN BEFORE YOU CAN WALK—LLLEEEEEROYYYYY JENNNKINNSSS Me & JARVIS:

🤦‍♀️
🤦‍♂️

Good thing he lives near the ocean cause if he was in a city this would probably be a huge disaster lol.

Tony oh my god. Trying to break records and shit. Have fun falling into the ocean, my dude.

Lol bye Tony.

This man is such a nerd.

OH LOOK. MY OTHER FAVORITE PART.

PEPPER GOT HIM A GIFT. I WONDER WHAT IT IS (*ALREADY CRYING*)

*MORE SOBBING*

*SNOT COMING DOWN FACE*

*SCREAMING INTO THE VOID*

*SWOONING x14*


The Ten Rings trying to put together War Machine like a fuckin ominous 3D Jigsaw puzzle.

I LOVE THAT JARVIS MAKES MENTION OF VISITING OTHER PLANETS IN HIS SUIT BECAUSE IN THE COMICS IRON MAN BECOMES PART OF THE GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY.

WOOOW he didn’t get an invitation to his own Firefighters Fund charity event? Fuckin rude, @/ObidiahCuntFactory

JARVIS is so fucking SNARKY.

Tony: Don’t wait up for me honey *DRIVES FAST*
Me: *SWOONS*

Tony: y’look great, Hef
Me: STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!

HIM IN THIS SUIT Y’ALL I CAN’T HANDLE IT

H E L P

TBH THIS IS BOTH OF OUR FACES AS WE LOOK AT PEPPER RIGHT NOW CAUSE HOT D A M N

NOW I’M SWOONING ABOUT PEPPER. R.I.P ME, I GUESS?

Pepper: You couldn’t even tie your shoes without me
Tony: I’d make it a week
Pepper: Really? What’s your social security number??
Tony: ……………………5?
Me: *SCREAM LAUGHING*

DO ITTTTTT
JUST DO IT
DO IT
I’M READY

Tony: ….!?!?!??!?!?!?!
Pepper: *moving forward*
Tony: *moves down*
Me: !?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Tony: !?!?!?!?!?
Pepper: *opens eyes* I would like a drink, please
Me & Tony: WIDSISDFJFSD!?!?
Tony: Got it. Got it getting the drink. Bye. *leaves*
Me: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: HELLO CATHERINE
Tony: Karen
Christine: It’s Christine
Wait…am I Tony Stark?

Wow she brought up Gulmira and Tony is like “FUCKING WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME, BITCH.”

Tony: ARE WE DOUBLE DEALING?? UNDER THE TABLE?
Obadiah: *smirks*
Me: I WANNA STAB YOU IN THE EYEBALL. WHERE IS JOHN WICK WHEN YOU NEED HIM???

Me: *SCREAMING*

I’m literally shoveling popcorn into my mouth like WHAT U GON DO TONY WHAT U GON DO (Like I haven’t already seen this fuckin movie)

WHY IS THIS MAN SO HOT.

THE OG IRON SUIT

Tony: *shoots tiny missiles into people’s faces*
Me:

😮

Tony: *gets shot out of the sky*
Me: *laughs* ….Oh man was that mean?

OH GOD THIS SCENE IS SO FUCKIN BADASS Y’ALL I CANNOT STOP SWOONING.

*badass music plays*
Me: *headbanging*
Rhodey: The fuck is happening
Me: *HEADBANGING HARDER*

Tony: I was jogging in the canyon
Rhodey: Thought you were driving
Tony: Right. I’m driving. To the canyon. Where I’m gonna jog.
Me: y’aaaaaaaaaaaall

LMAO THAT’S MY EXIT I’M FUCKING CRYING

The US Army is trying to kill Iron Man and I’m like isn’t this just like them? They’ve also tried to kill Santa Claus several times.

Rhodey is just like “FUCK WE JUST TRIED TO KILL TONY STARK”

WHIPLASH 1 CAN’T GET HIS CHUTE OUT. TONY DO SOMETHING.

TONY SAVED HIM.

Rhodey: What am I supposed to tell the press?
Tony: Training exercise, isn’t that the usual BS?
Rhodey: It’s not that simple
Next scene, Rhodey: An unfortunate training exercise…
Me: HA

*HIGH PITCHED SCREAM LAUGHING* BECAUSE PEPPER’S FACE. OH GOD THIS SCENE HAS BEEN QUOTED SO MUCH I FORGOT IT WAS IN THIS.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHAAHAHAHAAAA

ME: WERHIWERJHIIFJSDAGUEQRIGJERIJGEIK!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

WQEDJISDFAUIGSDFHSDFGJO~!?~?~?~?~?~?~?~?!??!?!?!?!?!!!>!!>!<>

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SCREAMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THAT’S NOT WHAT IT’S FOR.

I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THIS SHIT.

OH MY GOD WHY IS HE SO EVIL. HE’S LIKE LEX LUTHOR, BUT COMPETENT.

Tony is so fucking smart I just. I’m swooning.

NO YOU DON’T PEPPER, STOP LYING

THIS IS NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT TONY, YOU FUCKWIT

PEPPER. HOW CAN YOU SAY THIS IN FRONT OF ME.

Tony: I shouldn’t be alive. Unless it was for a reason.
Me: *SCREAMING INTO THE VOID*

*STILL SCREAMING*

*SCREAMING FOREVER*


Pepper why are you skulking around like you don’t LITERALLY belong there? Stop looking so damn nervous, holy shit.

Ghost Drive Found. I love it. This is real life. Definitely.

Someone stop this fucker.

Pepper STOP HIM.

Person on tape: You didn’t tell us the person you paid us to kill was the great Tony Stark. As you see Obadiah Stane, your deception will and lies will cost you greatly.
THIS VIDEO IS HELLA INCRIMINATING. OBADIAH ISN’T COMPETENT I TAKE IT BACK.

OBADIAH IS JUST LIKE HELLO PEPPER. And I’m like PEPPERRRRRRRRRR. Like I haven’t LITERALLY SEEN THIS MOVIE AND ALREADY KNOW WHAT HAPPENS.

Pepper is so fucking smart, holy shit.

THIS FUCKER TALKING LIKE HE WASN’T THE ONE WHO TRIED TO KILL HIM.

Obadiah: IT really breaks my heart
Me: I’M GONNA BREAK YOUR FACE YOU GIANT PIECE OF SHIT

GET OUT

PEPPER GET OUT OF THERE. WE MUST PROTECT PEPPER POTTS AT ALL COST.

GO PHIL. GO WITH HER. PROTECT HER.

BECAUSE HE’S TONY STARK. NOT SOME HALFWIT SCIENTIST WORKING FOR YOUR DUMB ASS.

You know who else could probably build this? Peter Parker. And also Shuri. But I’m pretty sure they’re both like…5 right now.

How old is Shuri? Does anyone know?

RIGHT??????


Y’ALL OBDADIAH GOT HIM WITH THE BAD SOUND!!!!!!! NO SOMEONE SEND HIM HELP. SOMEONE HELP HIM.

PEPPER!!!!!!!!!! HELP HIM!!! SAVE TONY STARK 2K…08!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LEAVE HIM ALONE.

*ENRAGED SHRIEKING*

NO. NO NO NO NO NO!!! NO !!!!!! NO!!!!! NBO GFIHDGFBUDFSHDASUFHGVSDUFIHV NO!!!!!!!!

*SCREAMING*

*SCREAMING HARDER*

Wow why is Tony Stark’s defiant look here so fukin hot? Cause uh.

FUCKING PUT IT BACK OBADIAH YOU MONSTER

*SOBBING*

Obadiah: Too bad you had to involve Pepper in this. I would’ve preferred that she lived.
Me & Tony:

EVERYONE GO SAVE TONY NOW THANKS

SAVE HIM.

DO IT

NO TONY!!!! TONY NO!!!!

DUM-E YOU BEAUTIFUL MACHINE

THIS MAN IS A FUCKING MONSTER.

RHODEY GO SAVE HIM.


Pepper Potts, SHIELD agent.

AHAHAHA I love him

Lmao Tony flew out of a hole in his ceiling. And Rhodey stares at the old suit like “Next time, baby” Ahahaha yeah. Gotta wait until it’s Don Cheadle for that shit.

Lmao Google just tried to autocorrect Don Cheadle to Don Headache and tbh yeah. I could see that.

RUN PEPPER

SO THIS FUCKER JUST CAME UP OUT OF THE GROUND TO KILL PEPPER LIKE

HOW DARE YOU???

Obadiah about to fuckin kill a family of 5 calling them “Collateral damage” FUCKING NIGHTMARE ASSHOLE Then the mom just casually runs Tony Stark over lmao.

Obadiah: I built this company from nothing
Howard Stark’s Ghost: BITCH U DID WHAT?
Me: OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK. WHY ARE RICH PEOPLE LIKE THIS? THEIR PARENTS/MENTORS GIVE THEM LIKE A MILLION DOLLARS AND THEY’RE LIKE I BUILT MYSELF FROM NOTHING. LIKE NO YOU DIDN’T???

Obadiah: I’ve made some upgrades of my own *suit flies slow as fuck* Me: *sarcastically* oh wooooooooow. impressive.

🙄

JARVIS: *reading out the power % left* 7% power…
Tony: JUST LEAVE IT ON THE SCREEN, STOP TELLING ME
Me: Lmao. Ice that bitch, Tony.

Dude. You fly slow as shit. You’re covered in ice. You couldn’t even build your own arc reactor. I wouldn’t call that advanced you fuckwit

TONY STARK YOU BEAUTIFUL PETTY ASSHOLE

YEAH BITCH THE ICING PROBLEM

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! TONY STARK IS MY HERO THO

The music that SHOULD’VE PLAYED in the background in this scene

Tony: I’m almost out of power. I gotta get out of this thing…
Obadiah: Lol waddap
Me: GODDAMMIT WHY CAN’T YOU JUST DIE

HE IS LITERALLY CRUSHING TONY TO DEATH AND I AM SITTING HERE CRYING

DO IT PEPPER. YOU ABSOLUTE BADASS.

Lol Tony just pulls out his optical connection. Do it to ’em Tony.

Can I just say here that I totally forgot that Obadiah crushed the original Iron Man suit head.

It’s a wonder this didn’t show up in Peter Parker’s room in Spider-Man: Homecoming. Considering how much he likes Star Wars.
*waggles eyebrows* y’all see what I did there?

Time to die Obadiah.

Tony: Just do it!

AND IN THAT MOMENT WE WERE ALL PEPPER

BYE OBADIAH YOU TURD

GUESS WHO TF IS STILL ALIVE. IT’S TONY STARK.

BOOM. And his heart grew 3 sizes that day.

THIS FUCKIN NERD

Tony: There’s nothing about Stane here
Phil: That’s being taken care of. He’s on vacation. Small aircrafts have such a…poor safety record.
Me: OHHHH BURNNNNN.

Pepper flirting with Phil is my favorite thing tbh. I ship it. But I literally ship everyone with everyone the same way I do in Naruto.

Me: *high pitched giggling*

*MORE GIGGLING*

GET YOU SOMEONE WHO LOOKS AT U THE SAME WAY TONY STARK LOOKS AT PEPPER POTTS

Pepper: And then you went downstairs to get me a drink and you left me there? By myself? Is that the night you’re talking about?
Tony: *looking both horny and scared* …mmhmm?
Pepper: Thought so.
Tony: *thinking: fuck I struck out. GDI*
Me: GIVE IT TIME, TONY


SHUT UP CHRISTINE

THAT’S WHAT MAKES YOU THE BEST HERO, TONY.

*SCREAMING*

TIME FOR THE FIRST EVER AFTER CREDITS SCENE OF THE ENTIRE MCU THANKS

Tony: JARVIS?
JARVIS: Welcome home s—*shuts off*
Me: WHO HURT HIM

HELLO NICK FURY

FORESHADOWING, I SEE

Me: *HEADBANGS*

That completes my re-watch of Iron Man!

Hope you guys enjoyed it! I’ll be watching The Incredible Hulk on Tuesday and I haven’t seen it yet, so it should be fun? I dunno. Stay tuned for that!