He growls, lips next to her ear, words cutting so deeply she clutches at her chest. “I don’t love you”.
I was going through some old stuff and stumbled across this. It’s not that good seeing as how I wrote it about a year ago, but I thought I’d upload it because I really like H2O. And I can’t wait for the next season =).
. . . . . . . . .
“Zane?” she whispered harshly, knocking on his balcony door with her fingertips, “Zane?”
He stirred in his sleep, disturbed slightly by the noise she was making against his window, but did not awaken. She growled and knocked louder, praying that she would’t wake his father up in her haste to wake up his son.
Zane groaned, pulling himself into a sitting position and squinting at the doors that led to his balcony. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and stood up. Rikki smiled at him and lowered her hand, waiting for him to unlock the door and let her in.
“Rikki…” Zane said with a yawn as she stumbled into his room, “What’re you doing here?”
“I..had to get away,” she whispered, trying not to release the tears she had been holding back until this point.
“You sound upset,” he whispered as she turned to gaze into his brown eyes, her blue ones shimmering with tears. He reached out and cupped her face, she closed her eyes and let a lone tear drop fall. He wiped it away quickly.
“What happened, Rikki?” he asked as she moved closer to him, her hands sliding up against his bare chest and her cheek leaning against his shoulder. He waited for a long time for her to answer, but she didn’t. He ran his fingers through her hair as a sob escaped her lips.
“Rik-” he started, but she interrupted him.
“Can I stay here tonight?” she asked, staring down at the floor as her cheeks lit up in embarrassment. Zane smiled softly.
“Yeah,” he answered, “You can take the bed, I’ll sleep on the flo-” she stopped his words with a kiss, tangling her fingers in his brown hair and backing up so that she could sit on the edge of his bed.
He grunted, bending to follow her down and placing his hands against the bed on either side of her thighs. She smiled against his lips, and began to lay back slowly, coaxing him to follow her until her back was against the mattress and he was on top of her.
She slowly unfastened her hands from his neck and reached to grip his hands which were positioned near her shoulders and she gripped one of them tightly, leading it to the hem of her shirt before trailing it over her abdomen slowly. She shivered at his touch and he pulled away from her.
“Rikki,” he said breathlessly, moving his hand from where it had once been against her stomach.
“Am I doing something wrong?” she whimpered, looking away from him.
“No,” he said, resting his forehead against hers, “you’re doing everything right…” She sighed and looked up at him. He closed his eyes tightly, trying to avoid her gaze.
“You don’t want me,” she whispered. He shivered at the pain he heard in her tone and opened his eyes wide to gaze into hers. They were shimmering with tears again and he could feel his heart breaking.
“I do,” Zane argued, “I do want you…”
“But?” Rikki asked, shifting beneath him. Zane whimpered softly and willed himself not to be aroused by the beautiful woman who lay beneath him.
“Stop moving,” he gasped, gripping the sheets on either side of her face. Rikki stopped and stared at him.
“Zane…” she whispered, “Why don’t you want…” he growled and kissed her roughly before he answered.
“I…respect you, Rikki,” Zane said, “I don’t want to…hurt you.” Rikki stared at him in disbelief.
“Are you saying you don’t think we’ll last?” She asked. The pain was there again and he looked away.
“That’s not what I’m saying,” he said, “I just…don’t want you to regret this.” Rikki stared at him and smiled softly, cupping his face in her hands and forcing him to gaze into her eyes.
“You’re worried about my…” she giggled and kissed the tip of his nose, “who would’ve thought-“she giggled again-“Zane Bennett is old fashioned.” A light blushed settled across Zane’s cheeks as he tried to look away again, but she held his gaze.
“I just…” he started, but she put a finger to his lips.
“I love you,” she said, staring into his eyes. He swallowed hard, seeing the truth in her eyes. He paused for a long moment, thinking of all the things she has made him feel and searching deep within himself for the way he felt. He wouldn’t lie to her, her couldn’t. She was everything to him; everything.
She traced her fingertips over his face.
“Rikki-” he started but she shook her head.
“Shh,” she whispered, “take your time, there’s no rush.” Zane closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to hers once more. He felt the tears welling up in his eyes, and tried to hold them back, but it was too late.
“Zane,” Rikki whimpered.
“I love you,” he whispered as a strange calmness washed over him, “I love you.” Rikki stared up at him with a smirk.
“I knew it,” she said. Zane smirked back at her, rolling off of her and to her side as the two scrambled up to the top of the bed, laughing softly as to not wake his father.
“I’m glad you came,” Zane whispered as she buried her face in his chest and closed her eyes, breathing in his scent deeply.
“Me too,” came her muffled reply as the two drifted off to sleep.
. . . . . . . . .
I am so LAME.
It was breathtaking, the silence between us. The way he looked at me, brown eyes searching for something familiar in my eyes. He wanted to know that I still felt the same. He wanted to make sure that being there with me was okay. I didn’t know what I should reflect in my eyes. I was finding it hard to breathe. The way he looked at me was suffocating.
I could hear distant explosions in the sky; fireworks. I broke his gaze and looked up. I heard him shift next to me and sigh. He must think I’m over it. That I don’t feel the same. He must think I’m through waiting for him. I feel him grab my hand, but I don’t look down again. I’m too busy looking at the rainbow of explosions in the sky. I don’t know how to tell him I’m still waiting.
I can’t even see the stars tonight, the fireworks are overshadowing them. Explosions of fire and gas that are closer than the stars twinkling beyond this world. He squeezes my hand tight, but I still don’t look down. The fireworks have captured my gaze. I sat there on the blanket next to him, hypnotized by the beauty of the explosions. I don’t think he knows how I feel.
His touch shoots electricity through my body as he moves closer, and I feel my heart race, confused by the sudden, unwelcome, feeling. I try to keep myself composed, but in the darkness my cool expression falters and it takes all I have not to look at him. I don’t know how to tell him how I feel. The words don’t come. There really aren’t words to describe this.
More fireworks go off. I hear all the familiar noises. The siren sound of the ascent, the explosion and the shower of sparks that fall back to the earth, but I’m not really watching anymore. I’m just feeling now. My heart races, my body tingles, his breath against my face. He’s still watching, waiting for his moment.
I’m not ready to see him yet. I’m not ready to feel the familiar ache in my heart. The ache I feel when I want him to hold me. When I’m dying to feel his arms around me. I don’t think he knows that I cry at night, my body shaking, waiting for him. He doesn’t know that I’m still waiting.
His eyes are still glued to my face, his breath hitting against my cheek in waves. I imagine the ocean, the sound of the waves hitting the shore. He’s my ocean and I’m waiting for him to pull me under. I want to drown in this sea. I’m not ready to see him yet.
He says my name softly, practically begging for my attention. I bite my lip, trying to focus on the fireworks and not drowning in this ocean of pain and suffering and maybe even love. I don’t know why I’m still waiting for something I never thought would happen. Maybe this is a dream. Maybe after tonight I’ll wake up and I wont see him ever again.
That’s a chance I’m willing to take as I turn to meet his eyes. They’re full of the love I always imagined that he had for me. The sort of feelings I only thought he felt for me in my dreams. I’m hit by a wave of emotions. I’m still struggling to breathe, drowning in the middle of this sea.
He catches sight of my eyes, watching them with curiosity, probing for the answers I would never be able to tell him with my words. I wanted him to kiss me, to smother me with his lips, to crush all the air out of my body until all I could feel was him on top of me. I wanted it so bad I could almost taste his mouth. I don’t think he knew.
The fireworks were winding down. The explosions were getting farther apart as the people setting them off ran out. I felt a sense of urgency. Was time running out for us too? I stared at him intently, not sure what he was reading in my eyes, but I hoped he knew what I wanted.
His eyes lingered on mine for only a few moments more before settling on my lips, asking his silent question. The one I had already said yes to. Did he even have to ask? He should know by now that he makes my heart race, he crushes the air out of my lungs, he makes it impossible for me to feel normal. He should know by now that I’m completely, totally, irrevocably in love with him. Nothing could change that. Not even the years of heartbreak I had to endure to get to this point.
He leans forward as more fireworks go off overhead and I stop breathing, waiting for him to claim my lips, to make me slip away into this ocean. More fireworks go off while I’m waiting, my eyes slipping closed, my lips parting slightly. I can feel my heart aching. I’ve waited so long for this moment.
It seemed like forever before he was finally there, kissing me softly, crushing the rest of the air out of my lungs. I try not to sob as he takes my face into his hands, his whole body pressing against mine. I need this, I’ve wanted this for so long. I can feel the sting of tears and I pull away, my eyes watering. He stares at me, his brown eyes questioning as the tears fall.
He tells me he’s sorry, he tells me he didn’t mean it. He doesn’t know that’s not what I want to hear. He thinks he did something wrong. He wants to fix it. He wants to be friends. I don’t want any of that. He begs me to forgive him, but I don’t know if I can. What he’s apologizing for isn’t want I’m crying about.
I tell him I’m happy, I tell him to stop saying he’s sorry for the things he did right. He looks confused, but I don’t want to explain it anymore. I wipe away my tears and I kiss him, long and hard. He kisses me back, cradling my face, caressing my neck, fingers trailing down my shoulders.
I feel like my heart is going to stop beating, like I’m going to die right here in his arms. And I think, that if I did I would be happy. If I died here with his lips against mine and the fireworks dying overhead, I wouldn’t regret one moment.
I’m not even afraid.
With a title like Sub Tweet I was excited to see what this was going to be about. Everyone knows I’m the master of subtweeting people (not really, I lack a whole bunch of subtlety, lbr).
I was blown away by the sheer talents of the authors in this anthology. I absolutely adored every second of this book. I ended up reading it in just a single day, and while I did skip one or two stories (because of triggering subject matter – sexual assault, kidnapping) I’m happy I read it.
It was more than just an anthology about subtweets, it was a whole commentary on technology and how we as humans have come to rely on it so much. The authors used subtweets or vague books to start off their stories and launched into an entire world of what said tweet or Facebook post could mean.
It gives life to the reality behind posting these types of things about people and makes you think. There are people you’re hurting with these things you say, but the person you’re hurting the most is yourself. This anthology does a good job of making sure people know that it is entirely unfair to say these types of things because all it’s going to do is come back on you.
Overall rating: ★ ★ ★ ★
(4/5 Stars. )
Boredom meter: 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Some of these stories were total knock outs. I adored them. Crazy Ink really knows how to put together a good anthology!
The pining between Ten and Killian was kind of drawn out for a little too long, but other than that I really enjoyed this story.
I picked it up because the cover looked like one I’d done sketches of for a book I wrote. Plus, I love YA so reading about Ten and her fight against her parent’s wishes was right up my alley. Right out of the gate, this book is entertaining as heck!
I think my favorite part was the song Ten’s Aunt Lina sings and how that helps her later in the story. I knew it would come back to do something awesome and I was not disappointed. Ten is totally awesome in this story and I’m really glad Showalter didn’t opt for an Archer/Ten/Killian love triangle because I would’ve DNF’d this book so fast.
This was an excellent read!
Overall rating: ★ ★ ★ ★
(4/5 Stars. )
Boredom meter: 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
I’m struggling through the second one right now, so I wish book 2 was a little better, but book one definitely held my attention very well!
I am literally still happy sobbing as I type this. I am so glad I read this book!
This story is so beautiful and kind from the very beginning. I’m not a fan of M/M stories, which I know is really unfair because I’m an LGBTQIA+ author, but I find that most M/M stories are not written by people in the community and aren’t a good representation of gay culture as a whole, but that was definitely not the case with Return to Sender.
From the very beginning, this story had me hooked. The romance and family and just love in this book had me crying happy and sad and just emotional tears almost the whole time I was reading it.
I read this story in literally a single day. It’s a novella, so it wasn’t that hard, but that is a feat for me. I usually have to keep putting books down to do other things, but this book in particular just really spoke to me and was always on my mind.
I loved that all the smut scenes were fade to black because that was so on brand for Drew and Wes! They deserved all their privacy and their secret stolen moments after everything they’d been through.
The writing was amazing and expressive and full of emotion and I didn’t ever once think “this is a first-person POV novel” because I was never pulled out of the narrative long enough to ever question anything about the mechanics of the book. I cannot praise Return to Sender enough. It was truly an amazing read.
Roberta, this story was literally brilliant. I cannot think of a story more deserving of a 5-star review from me. I loved it so much and I cannot wait to see what you write next.
Overall rating: ★★★★★
Boredom meter: 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
This book brought me so much joy and so much pain. Honestly, I recommend it to everyone who loves LGBT lit.
This book was really interesting. Initially, I debated hard on giving it a higher rating, but I didn’t really like how this was a very thinly veiled fanfiction for the Freeform show “The Fosters” with a few of the names and situations changed.
In all honesty, the book wasn’t that bad. It was better (and longer) than the first I read of Liv Devereaux’s work, More Than Friends, but Devereaux could have done a little bit of a better job separating her narrative from the ongoing narrative of The Fosters.
There is nothing wrong with writing fanfiction, especially if it leads you to pursue a career as a writer (of gay fiction, especially. I see you, Devereaux), but I personally would prefer something a little more original. That is not to say that Fight or Flight is a direct copy of what happened in The Fosters, it isn’t, but it follows the narrative very VERY closely in a way that made it hard for me to see the characters as anything other than the ones featured in the show.
All that being said, I found the relationship between Hayden and Cameron to be an interesting one. A lot of the prose was missing a good bit of description, something I found eternally irritating, but it did make for a quick read. It also makes a lot of sense considering this was so obviously based on a fanfiction that there would be a good amount of description missing (as that is the writing style of fanfiction authors, something I know intimately).
I would actually recommend this book to anyone who likes quick, cute reads for WLW and lesbian romance. I genuinely did enjoy the book despite all its shortcomings and look forward to reading as much as I can by Liv Devereaux.
Overall rating: ★★★
Boredom meter: 🔥🔥🔥
The story had it’s moments that were heartwarming, but ultimately I found myself trying to finish it ASAP so I could move on to something else.
More about Fight or Flight
Cameron Hale had it all. A high school sophomore that was well on her way to being the best swimmer on the swim team, had excellent grades, and an amazing family. To anyone else, Cameron’s life was perfect. And it was. That was until this past summer when Cameron’s life changed forever. One night with one boy that she could never forget, as much as she wanted to.
When Cameron starts buying Adderall from Hayden, the new girl in school, she’ll send herself down a spiral that will end in her having to make a choice. Does she fight and confront her demons? Or does she run and suffer the turmoil of knowing the boy that raped her is getting away with it?
It’s like this:
you wait a lifetime to hear hello
but all they wanna say is good-bye
you wait forever to be their reason
but all they wanna tell you is a lie.
It’s like you smile for something you’re gonna lose
waiting for that person to notice you’re not playing
you want something serious, but they’re not into it.
So they leave you there and you don’t know what to say
they break your heart and you wait, just wait.
There’s really nothing left now
so you shrug your shoulders and try to get over it
but this is the time when you realize it’s different.
The feeling isn’t the same
this isn’t how you play the game.
You’ve never felt this way
but you blow it off as just another stupid excuse
you’ve said things like this before
to those friends who are forced to listen.
Then you realize, it’s really different
and now you’re too afraid to say the things you’re feeling
because this isn’t what this is supposed to turn into.
It’s supposed to be a game.
You make me want to draw
hearts on paper
airplanes and send them to
You have a bad signal
but I’ve got the broken heart
the salty drops of rain that fall
< / 3
They break me
lure me in with false hope
false love, false everything
then cast me aside…
my only hope being to call
y o u.
But you’re lost in your own land
of power-lines and internet modems
I’m hurt and you can’t reach me
I guess it’s what I should expect
You can’t always be there
and I know that but…
I really needed you now.
but. y. ou. .ve.a onnec. tion.