Long Time No Talk

As many of you know, 2020 was a really difficult year. Like, it’s been nearly a year since I posted a new blog and I used to write a lot more on here about writing and writing tips and book reviews, but that just got to be too hard.

I read a lot of books last year, but I didn’t write any reviews. I didn’t really have the time to do that because I was so overwhelmed with everything going on and it’s hard to have the head space to do things when you feel so stressed all the time.

I changed a lot last year too. My priorities, my writing, my writing style, even my friend group changed. I grew in 2020 in a way I never thought I could again.

I’m a year older now and I’ve lived through a lot of bullshit.

My writing style and writing had a massive upgrade this year which, in the end, sort of frustrated me because I was working on several projects at once that I can no longer look at without cringing.

I’ve been fighting the change ever since. I keep trying to force myself to write the way I used to because it was so sarcastic and limited and carefree, but I keep delving deeper and creating stories where they don’t need to be.

I sort of stopped updating all of my fanfiction around June and deleted everything off of my AO3 account (much to the eternal annoyance of my fans) and I’ve slowly started reuploading it again, but it feels different. Like I’m constantly disappointed by my work.

So, blogging fell by the wayside. Most things fell by the wayside.

I haven’t really been active on social media. I created a discord server that’s kept me pretty busy and I completely stopped updating Rhinoverse. And maybe it’s because I spent the latter half of 2020 in a deep, deep depression, but it Feels BAD, man.

I don’t usually do New Year’s resolutions, but if 2020 taught me anything it’s that I need to do better and be better. I’ve spent 2017-2020 healing from the mess my life was in the past and trying to take stock of everything that’s wrong with me.

I want 2021 to be the year I finally own my problems and push forward regardless.

I know this blog has been pretty rambly, but I sort of had a lot to say after being gone for so long. I’ll follow this one up with a top 20 books of 2020 post. It won’t be as comprehensive as my last ones, but I don’t have the energy to write something long or detailed.

I’m sure the whole lot of you understand. Happy 2021. Be better.

How I’ve changed: Over the Decade

Stayed single almost the whole year?
2009: No, been in a relationship for a year!
2019: Yup.

Were involved In something you’ll never forget?
2009: Dude yeah.
2019: Non, je ne regrette rien.

Tripped over a coffee table?
2009: Lol yes.
2019: Don’t have a coffee table.

Dyed your hair?
2009: Yes.
2019: No, actually.

Came close to losing your life?
2009: :/
2019: No.

Saw one of your favorite bands/artists live?
2009: No
2019: No.

2009/2019: FRIENDS & ENEMIES…

Did you meet any new friends this year?
2009: Sure!
2019: A few.

Did you hate anyone?
2009/2019: Yes.

Do you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships?
2009: NYes
2019: Non, je ne regrette rien.

Did you miss any friends?
2009: Yes
2019: No.

2018: YOUR BIRTHDAY…

Did you have a cake?
2009: No
2019: Nope, pie.

Did you have a party?
2009: No.
2019: No.

Did you get any presents?
2009: No.
2019: I did!

2009/2019: ALL ABOUT YOU…

Did you change at all this year?
2009: No
2019: I am literally a completely different person than I was.

Were you in school?
2009: No.
2019: No.

Did you own a car?
2009: No.
2019: Yes.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
2009: Yes!
2019: Again, yes.  

Did you go on any vacations?
2009: No
2019: Yes?

2009/2019: WRAP UP…

Was 2018 a good year?
2009: I think so.
2019: No? But also yes? It was just hard.

Do you think 2020 will top 2019?
We’ll see?

Do you think 2009 will top 2008?
Yes. And it did!

IN THE YEAR 2009/2019 I CONFESS THAT I…

Kissed in the snow?
2009: Naawww
2019: No.

Done something you’ve regretted?
2009: Yeaaa
2019: No.

Painted a picture?
2009: Lol sure.
2019: No.

Wrote a poem?
2009: Yes.
2019: Yes.

Ran a mile?
2009: No
2019: No, but I’ve walked several.

Visited a foreign country?
2009: No
2019: Does Canada count?

Cut in a line of waiting people?
2009: No.
2019: UHHH…Maybe at BART?

IN 2009/2019 I…

Broke a promise?
2009: Yes
2019: No.

Lied?
2009: Yes
2019: Yes.

Disappointed someone close?
2009: I’ve always been a disappointment to my parents!
2019: Sure have.

Had a secret?
2009/2019: Yes.

Pretended to be happy?
2009/2019: Yes.

Slept under the stars?
2009: Yes
2019: No

Kept your new year’s resolution?
2009/2019: I don’t make those.

Forgot your new year’s resolution?
2009/2019: Don’t make them.

Met someone who changed your life?
2009/2019: Yes.

Changed your outlook on life?
2009: No.
2019: Yeah.

Sat home all day doing nothing?
2009/2019: Yeah, for a little while, I think.

Learned something new about yourself?
2009/2019: Yup.

Met great people?
2009/2019: YEAH!

Kissed someone that means a lot to you?
2009/2019: No.

Stayed up till sunrise?
2009: Plenty of long nights.
2019: I actually haven’t.

Cried over the silliest thing?
2009: Yes.
2019: No, nothing worth crying over is ever silly.

Had friends who were drifting away from you?
2009/2019: Always.  It’s part of growing up.

Had a high cell phone bill?
2009/2019: Nah.

Spent most of your money on food?
2009: No
2019: Yeaaah.

Had a fist fight?
2009/2019: Nah.

Gotten sick?
2009/2019: Yeah.

Liked more than 5 people at the same time?
2009/2019: Big no.

Became closer with a lot of people?
2009: Yeah!
2019: Nah.

Song that reminds you of summer 2019?
Sucker – Jonas Brothers

Lost any friends this year?
2009: No
2019: I’d actually say they lost me.

When people say, “Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever talked shit about anyone” do you think it’s possible?
2009/2019: No.

How do you feel about gay marriage?
2009: :/
2019: I’m gay. So. It’s gr8.

Give me a random lyric from the song you’re listening to:
2009: Not listening to anything.
2019: Calling calling calling me home.

Do you think you’re approachable?
2009/2019: Unfortunately yes.

Do you make sexual innuendos about everything?
2009/2019: Yes I am a child.

Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
2009: Nope!
2019: Only if the other person is being gross.

Who is the last person you texted?
2009: My boyfriend!
2019: My boss.

Song playing right now?
2009: No idea?
2019: I can’t really hear it? Something top 40 on the radio above my head.

Happy New Year!

Stayed single almost the whole year?

Haven’t been single since 2008.

Were involved In something you’ll never forget?
Dude yeah.

Tripped over a coffee table?
Lol yes.

Dyed your hair?
Yes.

Came close to losing your life?
Don’t THINK so?

Saw one of your favorite bands/artists live?
Nnnah.

2018: FRIENDS & ENEMIES…

Did you meet any new friends this year?
Yeah, tons.

Did you hate anyone?
Yes.

Do you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships?
NYes

Did you miss any friends?
Yes

2018: YOUR BIRTHDAY…

Did you have a cake?
Nope, pie.

Did you have a party?
Yes

Did you get any presents?
Yes

2018: ALL ABOUT YOU…

Did you change at all this year?
Yes!

Were you in school?
No 🙂

Did you own a car?
Yes.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes!  Everyone is always having babies in my family, it seems.  My brother had his third kid.  

Did you go on any vacations?
SO MANY!!!! It’s like NONSTOP.

2018: WRAP UP…

Was 2018 a good year?
UHHHHHHH??? It was hard.

Do you think 2019 will top 2018?
No idea, m8.

Do you think 2017 will top 2016?
I don’t…remember??

IN THE YEAR 2018 I CONFESS THAT I…

Kissed in the snow?
Naawww

Done something you’ve regretted?
Yeaaa…

Painted a picture?
Lol sure.

Wrote a poem?
Yes.

Ran a mile?
No

Visited a foreign country?
No

Cut in a line of waiting people?
Maybe at BART?

IN 2018 I…

Broke a promise?
No.

Lied?
Yes.

Disappointed someone close?
I’ve always been a disappointment to my parents!

Had a secret?
Yes.

Pretended to be happy?
Yes.

Slept under the stars?
No…

Kept your new year’s resolution?
I don’t make those.

Forgot your new year’s resolution?
Don’t make them.

Met someone who changed your life?
Yes.

Changed your outlook on life?
Yeah.

Sat home all day doing nothing?
Yeah, for a little while, I think.

Learned something new about yourself?
Yup.

Met great people?
YEAH!

Kissed someone that means a lot to you?
Yes.

Stayed up till sunrise?
Plenty of long nights.

Cried over the silliest thing?
Yes.

Had friends who were drifting away from you?
Always.  It’s part of growing up.

Had a high cell phone bill?
Nah.

Spent most of your money on food?
Yeaaah.

Had a fist fight?
Nah.

Gotten sick?
Yeah.

Liked more than 5 people at the same time?
*shrugs*

Became closer with a lot of people?
Nah.

Song that reminds you of summer 2018?
High Hopes – Panic! At the Disco

Lost any friends this year?
I’d actually say they lost me.

When people say, “Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever talked shit about anyone” do you think it’s possible?
No.

How do you feel about gay marriage?
It’s gr8.

Give me a random lyric from the song you’re listening to:
Not listening to anything.

Do you think you’re approachable?
Unfortunately yes.

Do you make sexual innuendos about everything?
Ha.

Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
Nope!

Who is the last person you texted?
My mom?

Song playing right now?
The fan hitting the blinds and pissing me off?