TW/CW: Homophobia? I think? I only glanced at this. tbh i don’t even remember writing it. this is over 10 years old.
Saw the black pearl and was transfixed by it’s beauty. She boards the
ship as a stow away and dresses as a man. ONESHOT Jack x OC
Disclaim: Don’t own POTC
The ship had called out to her. Its black sails seemed to put her in
some type of a daze. Before she knew it, she was walking towards it and
straight into the sea.
She had heard of the ship in stories
once upon a time, but she had never dreamed that it would be real. The
Black Pearl that was its name and it was her destiny
hear someone calling out to her as she braved the ocean, but she
ignored it. Her target was the pearl, and the affections of a certain
Someone was rushing up behind her. She felt strong
arms grab her around her waist, but she struggled free of those arms
and the long black dress that was full of white ruffles and weighed her
down quite a bit.
She was so close now; all she had to do was
sneak on board. She gripped a long rope in her small, but firm hands
and held on as she felt the boat leave port.
Climbing up took
every ounce of strength and skill that she had in her pathetic body. It
also took stealth, because once she was on the deck she needed a
certain attire to pass as a man as well as a pirate.
was easy to find within the captain’s chambers. She quickly pulled off
her clothing and changed into man’s clothing. She used torn pieces of
cloth to pull her long black hair back into a braid that she could tuck
under the hat she wore on her head.
The finished product seemed
convincing enough. So she left and sneaked back out onto the deck and
watched the men run around and yell. Most of them were drunk, she could
tell. She had been inside a few bars herself.
“Excuse me,” a
drunken sounding voice asked from behind her, she turned around, “do I
know you?” She froze. It was the captain. Who was she to think she
could fool a man so wise.
“I am,” she said with a Russian accent, “Nata…sha?”
“Natasha?” the man asked, “I’ve never heard of a man named Natasha before…”
“Oh, that’s not my name, it’s my mother’s name,” her Russian accent was still strong with this sentence.
“Then what is your name?” Natasha froze again, thinking.
“Nata sir,” she said, trying to rid herself of her still very heavy Russian accent.
“Okay then,” the man said before holding out a bottle, “Rum?”
“No thanks,” she said. Jack looked at her skeptically.
“Are you sure you’re a pirate?” He asked.
Natasha Said, “Fine, give me the rum.” Jack held out the bottle and
she took a swig. She had never been much of a drinker, but she guessed
if she had to be to be a pirate…then so be it. Anything to stay on
She handed the bottle back to Jack with a sour look on
her face. Drinking just wasn’t her thing. Jack took the bottle back
eagerly before trotting off towards the other side of the ship. Natasha
let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding and she began to
cough. The rum had left a disgusting taste in her mouth.
had been two days since they left harbor and no one had seemed to
notice any of her female qualities. Such as her lack of upper body
strength, her lack of any strength whatsoever and that fact that she
couldn’t wield a sword.
She guessed either this disguise was flawless or these pirates were complete idiots. She pleaded the latter.
many people on the ship spoke to her, she guessed it was because she
was weak and it embarrassed them. Or worse, they could know she’s a
girl, but Jack still spoke with her…so she guessed it didn’t matter.
wasn’t until the third night, did the captain invite her into his
quarters for something ‘special’ as he called it. The ‘special’ part
kind of made her cringe. Either he was gay or her secret had been
revealed. The thought of gay pirates made her sick. It was this whole,
oh my gosh what they do at sea thing.
She lingered in front of
the door for a few moments before knocking. She didn’t know why she
knocked, but she didn’t want to walk in on anything weird. She cringed
again at the thought of walking in on something as the door opened
revealing Jack and a very…candle lit room.
‘Davy Jones…’ she thought ‘he IS gay.’
Natasha said, “I’ll just leave now…” She turned around to go, but
Jack grabbed her wrist. She cringed at his touch and her whole body
began to shiver.
“Don’t leave,” he said, resting his chin on her shoulder. Her eye was beginning to twitch now.
she said, pushing him back and turning around, “I’m not who you think I
am, I’m a—” Jack laughed as he cut her off, “A woman?” She bit her
lip. He had known all along.
“Yeah,” she said, “a woman.”
“You need to work on your disguise love,” he said, pointing to her chest. Natasha rolled her eyes.
“You’re such a pig,” she said, slapping him before walking off. He smirked and rubbed his face.
sat on the edge of the ship and stared down into the water. All men
were pigs in this day in age, but she thought that maybe they would
change aboard a ship. Who was she kidding? Men on ships were worse than
men on land.
Jack watched her from behind. He was tempted to
push her overboard, but he decided against it. She was pretty even if
she was a stowaway and dressed as a man. But she was still a stowaway
and he loved another woman…the same woman that loved his supposed
‘friend’. Who knows, maybe things would change. Oh, who was he
kidding…she was only a stow away.
I’m re-watching the entirety of the MCU, these are my live tweets.
And so it begins. My rewatch of Iron Man is starting….now. Fair warning, this will probably be a thirst thread because I am thirsty for Tony Stark. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.
Okay they’re in the desert. Nice mountains. Some cars are driving. HELL YEAH CLASSIC ROCK IS PLAYING. I haven’t seen this movie in 10 years so this is kind of all new to me again.
The first song of the MCU is Back in Black – AC/DC and I’m like this is PERFECT.
RDJ speaks and I start giggling.
Oh my god he’s a total asshole.
Tony Stark: I don’t wanna see this on your myspace Me: OH MY GOD I’M OLD.
Oh no oh no oh no. Someone save this poor asshole from these explosions! I’m so upset about these poor soldiers that just died. Also why is his phone making that noise.
Stark Industries bomb: WADDAP Me: *singing Poetic Justice* BE BETTER, TONY. I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT.
Wow Tony built his first circuit board at 4. And then his first engine at 6. They made America a woman? Sure don’t seem that way >>.
WOW OLD RHODEY. I have CHILLS.
Where is Tony? I forgot what happened to him in this scene. Oh right he’s gambling. Of course he is.
WOW HAPPY LOOKS SO DIFFERENT Y’ALL. EVERYONE IS HOT IN THIS MOVIE.
Hello Christine Everhart.
Christine: You’ve been called the DaVinci of our time, what do you say to that? Tony: Absolutely ridiculous, I don’t paint. Me: HA Christine: And what about your other nickname, “The Merchant of Death” Me: oh fuck
Wow Christine and Tony just going at it. Tag yourself I’m JARVIS wakin her up and bein like “Get out. Thanks.”
OH LOOK IT’S CALIFORNIA!
I completely forgot about this part. Why do I keep forgetting things?
Pepper is just like “Hey. Time to leave Christine.”
Christine: After all these years, Tony still has you picking up his dry cleaning Pepper: I do anything and everything Mr. Stark requires, including occasionally taking out the trash. Me: OH SHIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTT!!!!!!!
I’m crying about about Pepper and Tony right now. They’re so cute oh my god help? Originally I didn’t care for this relationship, but knowing all I know now I’m like THESE CHILDREN.
Rhodey is so mad. And tbh I would be too. Cause they just straight up replaced him in the second movie lmao.
Even arguing they take the hot towel and I’m like yeah. Yeah hot towels are amazing.
Someone explain to my gay ass why Tony Stark looks so hot here:
Calm down, Tony Stark, you edge-lord.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING SCENE
Why TF is he calling Tony while he’s shirtless? UMMM?? Is this some kind of weird power play or something?
The moment when you see them put the magnet which would eventually become part of the arc reactor into Tony’s chest and you’re like
Tony: *pulling long tube out of his nose* Me: *SCREAMING AND GAGGING* EWWWWWWWAUUGHHH
Tony waking up and finding the arc reactor like “What the fuck???”
For a genius Tony is a fucking moron. You wanna know how that got your guns, Tony? They fucking stole them. Or maybe someone sold them to them. Illegally. Wow did he really think that the US Military were the only people to use his weapons?
Wow he just called Tony the most famous mass murderer in all of history. That’s gotta suck. What an intense wake up call.
And he just refused to build the missile and now they’re torturing him. And now he’s seeing how much of his tech they actually have in this war.
Oh god the moment where Tony realizes they’re going to kill him once he builds the missile and he’s just like “fuck” and I’m like “fuck.”
Tony and Yinsen, hostage bros for life.
Yinsen: That could run your heart for 50 lifetimes Tony: …*looks sad and contemplative* yeah. Or something big for 15 minutes. Me: *eating a sandwich and sobbing*
The Ten Rings trying to figure out why the fuck the shit Tony’s making doesn’t look like the picture: Maybe it’s backwards? Me: Oh y’all.
NO YINSEN. I mean I know he’s not gonna make it, but like I don’t want him to swallow a hot coal.
OH MAN TONY IS JUST LIKE TIME TO BLOW EVERYTHING UP.
YINSEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING!
Tony is comin for all y’all bitches.
Dude just shoots metal like the bullet isn’t gonna ricochet. You fucking moron.
Yinsen: My family is dead. I’m going to see them now, Stark, It’s okay. I want this. I want this. Me: *SCREAM CRYING* Tony: Thank you for saving me. Me: *SOBBING* Yinsen: Don’t waste it. Don’t waste your life. Me: HE DIDN’T. HE MADE YOU PROUD. *SOBBING*
Tony: *lights people on fire* Me: WOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Tony: *flies* Tony: *crashes* Me: Iron Man, everybody.
THEY FOUND HIM! RHODEY FOUND HIM!
Rhodey: How was the fun-vee Tony: laughs Me: *CRIES*
Did Pepper’s hair become more red with her grief? Or is that just the sunlight?
Me: *swooning x2*
LOOK AT BABY PEPPER WITH THE REDDEST HAIR.
Tony: Hm. Your eyes are red. A few tears for your long-lost boss? Pepper: Tears of joy. I hate job hunting. Me: *MAKES AN INHUMAN NOISE* STOP BEING SO CUTE I CAN’T HANDLE IT.
A cheeseburger and a press conference. Only one of those things sound like the Tony Stark I know.
Lol Burger King. I love that they used BK because that’s what changed actual RDJ’s life as well.
LOOK WHO IT IS Y’ALL!!!!!!!!!!
I FINALLY KNOW WHAT SHIELD STANDS FOR: Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement & Logistics Division THAT IS A MOUTHFUL Y’ALL AND COULSON JUST DELIVERS THIS LINE PERFECTLY. THIS MAN IS A GOD.
PEPPER AGREES WITH ME AND I LOVE HER EVEN MORE NOW THANK YOU PEPPER.
Me: *swooning x3*
This speech is destroying me. Tony Stark oh my god.
I can’t even with this right now y’all. I’m hurt. And I’m proud. And I’m….
Tony: I have more to offer this world than making things blow up. *shuts down weapons manufacturing* Everyone: *GASPS* Me: YOU BEAUTIFUL MAN YOU MAKE YINSEN PROUD.
BIG BOY ARC REACTOR
Obi says MANA-FACTURER
YASSS TONY MAKE ARC REACTORS.
Me: *swooning x4* (I have a thing for men button/unbuttoning other men’s shirts alright? Even if it’s platonic. I don’t KNOW)
Pepper bout to have to reach inside Tony’s chest to “change his lightbulb”, so to speak and I am READY for this (and also NOT ready for this).
Me: *swooning? x5* *also cringing and praying for Pepper*
SAME PEPPER OH MY GOD.
Pepper: THERE’S PUSS Tony: *calmly* It’s not puss it’s an inorganic byproduct of the machine in my chest… Pepper: IT SMELLS Tony: yeaaah it does. Me: *CRINGING*
Tony: Make sure you don’t pull out the magnet at the end of it Pepper: *pulls out the magnet* Tony: That was it Pepper: OH GOD Me: OH GODDDD
Pepper: What’s wrong? Tony: Oh nothing I’m just going into cardiac arrest Me: *SCREAMING*
Pepper: Don’t ever, ever, ever, EVER ask me to do anything like that ever again. Tony: *smoldering eyes* I don’t have anyone, but you Me: *HYPERVENTILATING*
Pepper: What do you want to do with this? Tony: Destroy it. Incinerate it. Pepper: You don’t want to keep it? Me: *SOBBING*
Tony: JARVIS, you up? JARVIS: For you sir? Always. Me: *sobbing*
Taking a break from thirst tweeting about Tony Stark because I realized I have popcorn and I didn’t make any for this movie. Which is like. Against god or something.
Let’s McFuckin do this
Auuugh his voice is high but he’s got like these deep notes that make me go “YAAAAAAAAS” and swoon.
*SWOONING x6, x7, x,8, x9, x10, & x11*
Are you talking to yourself or your robot, Mr. Stark? Cause like…
YES I LOVE WHEN HE’S TESTING THE SUIT. AHAHHA THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART.
My science fiction loving ass is just like WOOOOOOWWWWWWW rn
Tony: This is a flight stabilizer, it’s completely harmless
Tony: I’m being responsible that’s a new direction for m…I mean the company Me: Lmao Tony you’re such a fucking disaster
Tony: For lack of a better reason DUM-E is still on fire safety *turns to robot* If you douse me again and I’m not on fire, I’m donating you to a city college Me: *dying laughing*
LOOK AT HIM FLY
Watching him fly and laugh awkwardly is pretty much everything to me right now. You did it, Tony!
Tony: Yeah. I can fly. Me: *SWOONS*
JARVIS IN THE HELMETTTTTTTT
*FUCKIN SWOONS x5000*
JARVIS: Sir there are still terabytes of actual calculations needed before a flight is
TonY: JARVIS SOMETIMES YOU GOT TO RUN BEFORE YOU CAN WALK—LLLEEEEEROYYYYY JENNNKINNSSS
Me & JARVIS:
Good thing he lives near the ocean cause if he was in a city this would probably be a huge disaster lol.
Tony oh my god. Trying to break records and shit. Have fun falling into the ocean, my dude.
Lol bye Tony.
This man is such a nerd.
OH LOOK. MY OTHER FAVORITE PART.
PEPPER GOT HIM A GIFT. I WONDER WHAT IT IS (*ALREADY CRYING*)
*SNOT COMING DOWN FACE*
*SCREAMING INTO THE VOID*
The Ten Rings trying to put together War Machine like a fuckin ominous 3D Jigsaw puzzle.
I LOVE THAT JARVIS MAKES MENTION OF VISITING OTHER PLANETS IN HIS SUIT BECAUSE IN THE COMICS IRON MAN BECOMES PART OF THE GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY.
WOOOW he didn’t get an invitation to his own Firefighters Fund charity event? Fuckin rude, @/ObidiahCuntFactory
JARVIS is so fucking SNARKY.
Tony: Don’t wait up for me honey *DRIVES FAST* Me: *SWOONS*
TBH THIS IS BOTH OF OUR FACES AS WE LOOK AT PEPPER RIGHT NOW CAUSE HOT D A M N
NOW I’M SWOONING ABOUT PEPPER. R.I.P ME, I GUESS?
Pepper: You couldn’t even tie your shoes without me Tony: I’d make it a week Pepper: Really? What’s your social security number?? Tony: ……………………5? Me: *SCREAM LAUGHING*
DO ITTTTTT JUST DO IT DO IT I’M READY
Tony: ….!?!?!??!?!?!?! Pepper: *moving forward* Tony: *moves down* Me: !?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Tony: !?!?!?!?!? Pepper: *opens eyes* I would like a drink, please Me & Tony: WIDSISDFJFSD!?!? Tony: Got it. Got it getting the drink. Bye. *leaves* Me: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: HELLO CATHERINE Tony: Karen Christine: It’s Christine Wait…am I Tony Stark?
Wow she brought up Gulmira and Tony is like “FUCKING WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME, BITCH.”
Tony: ARE WE DOUBLE DEALING?? UNDER THE TABLE? Obadiah: *smirks* Me: I WANNA STAB YOU IN THE EYEBALL. WHERE IS JOHN WICK WHEN YOU NEED HIM???
I’m literally shoveling popcorn into my mouth like WHAT U GON DO TONY WHAT U GON DO (Like I haven’t already seen this fuckin movie)
WHY IS THIS MAN SO HOT.
THE OG IRON SUIT
Tony: *shoots tiny missiles into people’s faces* Me:
Tony: *gets shot out of the sky* Me: *laughs* ….Oh man was that mean?
OH GOD THIS SCENE IS SO FUCKIN BADASS Y’ALL I CANNOT STOP SWOONING.
*badass music plays* Me: *headbanging* Rhodey: The fuck is happening Me: *HEADBANGING HARDER*
Tony: I was jogging in the canyon Rhodey: Thought you were driving Tony: Right. I’m driving. To the canyon. Where I’m gonna jog. Me: y’aaaaaaaaaaaall
LMAO THAT’S MY EXIT I’M FUCKING CRYING
The US Army is trying to kill Iron Man and I’m like isn’t this just like them? They’ve also tried to kill Santa Claus several times.
Rhodey is just like “FUCK WE JUST TRIED TO KILL TONY STARK”
WHIPLASH 1 CAN’T GET HIS CHUTE OUT. TONY DO SOMETHING.
TONY SAVED HIM.
Rhodey: What am I supposed to tell the press? Tony: Training exercise, isn’t that the usual BS? Rhodey: It’s not that simple Next scene, Rhodey: An unfortunate training exercise… Me: HA
*HIGH PITCHED SCREAM LAUGHING* BECAUSE PEPPER’S FACE. OH GOD THIS SCENE HAS BEEN QUOTED SO MUCH I FORGOT IT WAS IN THIS.
OH MY GOD WHY IS HE SO EVIL. HE’S LIKE LEX LUTHOR, BUT COMPETENT.
Tony is so fucking smart I just. I’m swooning.
NO YOU DON’T PEPPER, STOP LYING
THIS IS NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT TONY, YOU FUCKWIT
PEPPER. HOW CAN YOU SAY THIS IN FRONT OF ME.
Tony: I shouldn’t be alive. Unless it was for a reason. Me: *SCREAMING INTO THE VOID*
Pepper why are you skulking around like you don’t LITERALLY belong there? Stop looking so damn nervous, holy shit.
Ghost Drive Found. I love it. This is real life. Definitely.
Someone stop this fucker.
Pepper STOP HIM.
Person on tape: You didn’t tell us the person you paid us to kill was the great Tony Stark. As you see Obadiah Stane, your deception will and lies will cost you greatly. THIS VIDEO IS HELLA INCRIMINATING. OBADIAH ISN’T COMPETENT I TAKE IT BACK.
OBADIAH IS JUST LIKE HELLO PEPPER. And I’m like PEPPERRRRRRRRRR. Like I haven’t LITERALLY SEEN THIS MOVIE AND ALREADY KNOW WHAT HAPPENS.
Pepper is so fucking smart, holy shit.
THIS FUCKER TALKING LIKE HE WASN’T THE ONE WHO TRIED TO KILL HIM.
Obadiah: IT really breaks my heart Me: I’M GONNA BREAK YOUR FACE YOU GIANT PIECE OF SHIT
PEPPER GET OUT OF THERE. WE MUST PROTECT PEPPER POTTS AT ALL COST.
GO PHIL. GO WITH HER. PROTECT HER.
BECAUSE HE’S TONY STARK. NOT SOME HALFWIT SCIENTIST WORKING FOR YOUR DUMB ASS.
You know who else could probably build this? Peter Parker. And also Shuri. But I’m pretty sure they’re both like…5 right now.
How old is Shuri? Does anyone know?
Y’ALL OBDADIAH GOT HIM WITH THE BAD SOUND!!!!!!! NO SOMEONE SEND HIM HELP. SOMEONE HELP HIM.
PEPPER!!!!!!!!!! HELP HIM!!! SAVE TONY STARK 2K…08!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LEAVE HIM ALONE.
NO. NO NO NO NO NO!!! NO !!!!!! NO!!!!! NBO GFIHDGFBUDFSHDASUFHGVSDUFIHV NO!!!!!!!!
Wow why is Tony Stark’s defiant look here so fukin hot? Cause uh.
FUCKING PUT IT BACK OBADIAH YOU MONSTER
Obadiah: Too bad you had to involve Pepper in this. I would’ve preferred that she lived. Me & Tony:
EVERYONE GO SAVE TONY NOW THANKS
NO TONY!!!! TONY NO!!!!
DUM-E YOU BEAUTIFUL MACHINE
THIS MAN IS A FUCKING MONSTER.
RHODEY GO SAVE HIM.
Pepper Potts, SHIELD agent.
AHAHAHA I love him
Lmao Tony flew out of a hole in his ceiling. And Rhodey stares at the old suit like “Next time, baby” Ahahaha yeah. Gotta wait until it’s Don Cheadle for that shit.
Lmao Google just tried to autocorrect Don Cheadle to Don Headache and tbh yeah. I could see that.
SO THIS FUCKER JUST CAME UP OUT OF THE GROUND TO KILL PEPPER LIKE
HOW DARE YOU???
Obadiah about to fuckin kill a family of 5 calling them “Collateral damage” FUCKING NIGHTMARE ASSHOLE Then the mom just casually runs Tony Stark over lmao.
Obadiah: I built this company from nothing Howard Stark’s Ghost: BITCH U DID WHAT? Me: OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK. WHY ARE RICH PEOPLE LIKE THIS? THEIR PARENTS/MENTORS GIVE THEM LIKE A MILLION DOLLARS AND THEY’RE LIKE I BUILT MYSELF FROM NOTHING. LIKE NO YOU DIDN’T???
Obadiah: I’ve made some upgrades of my own *suit flies slow as fuck* Me: *sarcastically* oh wooooooooow. impressive.
JARVIS: *reading out the power % left* 7% power… Tony: JUST LEAVE IT ON THE SCREEN, STOP TELLING ME Me: Lmao. Ice that bitch, Tony.
Dude. You fly slow as shit. You’re covered in ice. You couldn’t even build your own arc reactor. I wouldn’t call that advanced you fuckwit
TONY STARK YOU BEAUTIFUL PETTY ASSHOLE
YEAH BITCH THE ICING PROBLEM
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! TONY STARK IS MY HERO THO
The music that SHOULD’VE PLAYED in the background in this scene
Tony: I’m almost out of power. I gotta get out of this thing… Obadiah: Lol waddap Me: GODDAMMIT WHY CAN’T YOU JUST DIE
HE IS LITERALLY CRUSHING TONY TO DEATH AND I AM SITTING HERE CRYING
DO IT PEPPER. YOU ABSOLUTE BADASS.
Lol Tony just pulls out his optical connection. Do it to ’em Tony.
Can I just say here that I totally forgot that Obadiah crushed the original Iron Man suit head.
It’s a wonder this didn’t show up in Peter Parker’s room in Spider-Man: Homecoming. Considering how much he likes Star Wars. *waggles eyebrows* y’all see what I did there?
Time to die Obadiah.
Tony: Just do it!
AND IN THAT MOMENT WE WERE ALL PEPPER
BYE OBADIAH YOU TURD
GUESS WHO TF IS STILL ALIVE. IT’S TONY STARK.
BOOM. And his heart grew 3 sizes that day.
THIS FUCKIN NERD
Tony: There’s nothing about Stane here Phil: That’s being taken care of. He’s on vacation. Small aircrafts have such a…poor safety record. Me: OHHHH BURNNNNN.
Pepper flirting with Phil is my favorite thing tbh. I ship it. But I literally ship everyone with everyone the same way I do in Naruto.
Me: *high pitched giggling*
GET YOU SOMEONE WHO LOOKS AT U THE SAME WAY TONY STARK LOOKS AT PEPPER POTTS
Pepper: And then you went downstairs to get me a drink and you left me there? By myself? Is that the night you’re talking about? Tony: *looking both horny and scared* …mmhmm? Pepper: Thought so. Tony: *thinking: fuck I struck out. GDI* Me: GIVE IT TIME, TONY
SHUT UP CHRISTINE
THAT’S WHAT MAKES YOU THE BEST HERO, TONY.
TIME FOR THE FIRST EVER AFTER CREDITS SCENE OF THE ENTIRE MCU THANKS
Tony: JARVIS? JARVIS: Welcome home s—*shuts off* Me: WHO HURT HIM
HELLO NICK FURY
FORESHADOWING, I SEE
That completes my re-watch of Iron Man!
Hope you guys enjoyed it! I’ll be watching The Incredible Hulk on Tuesday and I haven’t seen it yet, so it should be fun? I dunno. Stay tuned for that!