Girls Like Me

Girls like me,
don’t fall in love
we watch love happen.

Girls like me,
wait for love
want love
give love
but do not receive love.

Girls like me,
are not meant to be loved
we are meant to watch 
and help love happen.

Girls like me,
try for love and fail.

Girls like me,
die alone
and bro-  -ken.

Girls like me,
will love, giving all of ourselves,
but will not receive it’s warmth in return.

We will cry
but we will not receive comfort
we will bleed
but the bleeding will never stop.

Girls like me,
want to be loved
but no one will love us.

We will write about love,
we will dream about love,
we will love love
but we will never feel it.

Girls like me,
end up alone.

V e r b a t i m

“close your eyes,” you tell me.
  I’m so nervous I can’t stop trembling.

You never stopped there
they said you USED me
but I don’t want to listen to reason
I’m too stubborn for their truths.

You hold my hand
tell me to run away
           {with you,} for you
I can’t say what you’ve said to me.
it’s all lies.

I write so the drugs will pass me by
YOU USED ME.

Say she isn’t angry now,
  but my head is splitting and I can’t
                        FEEL anymore.
I’ve heard you lie so many times.

“Just you,” you say to me;
     and like a SPOILED child I believed you.
You tell me “you’re amazing.”
     but you don’t know them IMPACT of the words.

You’d tell me anything to use me again,
          but as I see this far ahead the threats just aren’t WORTH it.
not with what you have to offer.

You pay me off
   like I’m so cheap you can use me over and over.

It’s funny how you think you can trust them,
      they’d rat you out in an instant while I struggle with these secrets.

For you I have been beaten and bruised,
      yet you still laugh at my iniquity.
YOU WERE PART OF IT TOO.

Tell me why you are so clean,
    tell me why you aren’t bleeding.

I feel so heavy, like lead.
   the pressure is overwhelming.
I CAN’T BREATHE.

I’ve waited so long for a moment I can’t even remember,
    It was everything and nothing to me
why can’t I remember how it felt?

You tell me I’m crazy,
   but you’ve NEVER seen these words.
I can’t let go of this anger and pain…
   everyone would be so suspicious of what happened.

Even when I speak to you I can’t get it out.
you have the NERVE to ask me why I’m crying
                 you knew I could never make it.

You tell me I’m being “overly dramatic”
   but when there’s so much inside that I can’t get out

TELL ME
      that you wouldn’t die too.

s o  m a n y  t h i n g s  l e f t  u n s a i d;
    you’d think I was speaking in another language.
this is how I speak.

In your stupidity you don’t know how much it hurts
   I never lied to you when I told you it was d i f f e r e n t for me.

I’m Thinking Maybe

There’s a pain I can’t ignore
Because Earlier I got to thinkin’ “Maybe I can”
but there’s things you don’t want to deal with
so there in lies the problem
to deny what love is
transforms you to hate.

People are startin’ to worry
that I’ll say good-bye to what I was
now that I feel like this.

I’m talkin’ to him 
and askin’ him “Is this right?” 
but he’s tellin’ me “No”
it don’t suprise me
the answer was there all along.

I’m talkin’ to her
but she don’t know the problem
she don’t know what she’s about.

I don’t wanna say good-bye to yesterday
because it lacks these complications
the things I have to hide
but maybe I can just say it isn’t there
but there in lies the problem…
because it is.

Have You Ever?

Have you ever been so in love
that his smile is your lullaby,
his eyes are your night sky,
he overtakes your dreams.

Have you ever been so in love
that he steals your breath
his hair comes in whispers
sweet caresses on your cheek.

Have you ever been so in love
that his laugh is your morning song
sweet melody carried by the wind
hitting your ear in sweet rhythmic tones.

Have you ever been so in love
that he’s the soundtrack of your summer
every song you hear makes you think of him
in everything you write, he has a place.

Have you ever been so in love
that you get butterflies when you see him
even if you just catch a glimpse
see him for a fleeting moment.

Have you ever been so in love
that his heartbeat is the rhythm you live by
that you can’t go a single moment without the thought
of your cheek pressed against his chest
the steady rhythm of his heart
the warmth of his touch.

Have you ever been so in love
that you want to know everything about him
you hang on every word
love his imperfections
love him with all your heart.

Have you ever been so in love
that it hurts; good and bad.
he overtakes you, breaks you
you’ve memorized the way he walks.

Have you ever
                 been so in love
                                    that he can break your heart?
with just one word.

Your Eyes

“Your eyes are the stars and they
S P A R K L E ; 
full of life.

Even with the clouds they manage
to shine brightly, overtaking

I’ve never seen eyes more
B E A U T I F U L
than yours are.”

The words

as 
      they
               fall

have never been so beautiful
than when they escaped your lips.

And you tell me in promises of
“F O R E V E R”
that you’ll love me.

i am a rainbow

i’ve got shades of indigo and violet
beneath my eyes, showing what
i lack
have been lacking

i’m living in a neverending shade of
blue, the hue appears on the corners
of my vision and overtakes my emotions,
choking what little happiness I’ve aquired
out of me.

i’ve got green hidden in the brown in my eyes
specks of leaves in the wooded color i’ve come
to think of as soft and inviting
is that how you feel too?
when you look into my eyes?
[buthowwouldyouknow?you.never.look]

i’ve got yellow hidden deep
a beginning of a fire that i hide from
the shades of blue comsuming me so often
it’s my warmth, the color of the butterflies
flying around and around and around.

i’ve got orange on my toes
to remind me of my creativity
that never quite goes away;
it’s metallic hue is almost calming.

i’ve got red in my heart and in my veins
its the color i see 
[most often;
but in reality, 
you’re all these colors too
]
when i think about you.
its love and anger and death and blood
but mostly, it reminds me of you.

i’m a rainbow
light, vibrancy
and sometimes hope.

i’m magic explained by science
and happiness destroyed by pills.

i am

i am :

emotions on sleeves.  heart on the outside looking in.
stained glass, cracked, but unbroken.  tears in the darkness of 
SUMMER.

i am :

terrified of losing you.  tied up in moments of
complicated and time and waiting.  miserable at best.

i am :

yours and no one else’s.  it’s so easy to wait
to make things simple.  to imagine touching your skin with the flesh of
my lips.

i am :

waiting for time to stand still.  hoping for a moment
that might never come, but i was never one to doubt in love (but we
all know that’s a lie
).

i am :

the saddest rainbow at the end of summer.  stained
glass painted dull and lifeless.

BUTTER –
                   FLIES
 
with you around.


i am : 
unbroken, the stars in the sky.


Lithium

shove these p i l l s down my throat and 
t e l l – m e that I’m normal
enough for you when I’m staring at an 
empty void, loss of color and focus.

you tell me I can be f i x e d with 
medication but, when was I ever

BRO –
           – KEN?


stop trying to fix something that’s complete
you’re p i c k i n g away at what I am

T   E 
        A  R
               ING


away w h o  i  tried so hard to become.

you tell me I need theselittlewhite p i l l s
because for once in my life I’m finally
H A P P Y.