I feel abandoned, lost amongst this vast sea of heartbreak. I never thought I’d ever feel I had to be punished for loving, but I realize now that it never really brings you any joy in life. So many expectations and yet, I crave it like I crave the air I breathe, the food I eat, the water I drink. I eat it like candy or any type of pleasant-tasting food. I fill my lungs with it, the emotion runs through my veins and boils over. Love is worth the pain.
I feel ugly like my soul is shoved into the wrong body. I stare at this skin, covered in scars and marks, tiny scratches and stretches from where my skin is straining to hold me in. How my hair doesn’t fall down my back like perfect straight silk, how my pale pink lips are peeling from the harsh winter air and they don’t look like all the other girl’s lips. How my nose is so pointed and sloped, my hands hold no talent for anything but typing. My eyes are cold, uninviting. Everything about me screams for people to stay away. My body is worn, weak, covered in small bruises and everything about my appearance is sickening. Yet…
Here you are, staring at me, my whole body naked before you and you look as if you can’t get enough. You’re ravenous for this girl, the person I am. The girl who stands before you, insecure and terrified of being classified as useless. Your eyes show nothing but love.
You’re beautiful. Or as beautiful as anyone could describe a man. Your skin is smooth and soft, despite your constant complaint about it. And your body is perfection, I could stare at it all day. The soft curves of your chest, the hairs that lead from your chest down over your stomach and to the top of your pants. The way your stomach dips in and how my head fits perfectly against your shoulder. Your long, strong throat is perfect, covered in the short hairs of your beard. Most women would complain about your facial hair, but me? I’ve never found a problem with it. In reality, I find it sexy. You hair is soft and silky smooth with a shine I wish my own locks could muster. I can’t remember seeing anyone so attractive.
Your eyes sparkle and your lips are perfect, smooth and soft beneath my fingers. I can’t get enough of you. The way you smell, the way you taste, how your body feels strong, safe, comfortable. You’re amazing.
And me? I’m not even average.